Fringe on the Top

With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein

It ain’t so much a question of not knowing what to do
Been told what’s right and wrong since 2003
I’ve read a lot of Scriptures but don’t reckon that they’re true
’bout bigots views of sexuality
I know I mustn’ go into the tent
But when I’m in the limelight, I forget!!!!

I’m jist a guy who cain’t say no,
I’m in a turrible fix
I always say "come on, let’s go"
when everyone else says nix!
When Rowan disciplines a guy,
It feels like ‘is face has had a smack.
But I’ll just pretend they all kissed me,
And then pretend they want me kiss them back!

I’m jist a fool when invites are lacked
I cain’t be humble and quaint
I ain’t the type that can faint
How c’n I be where allowed I ain’t?
I cain’t say no!

Whut you goin’ to do when a reporter gits flirty, and starts to talk purty?
Whut you goin’ to do?
S’posin’ Riazat says ‘at yer yer story’s like cherries, er roses, er berries?
Whut you goin’ to do?
S’posin’ Ruth G says ‘at yer yer sweeter ‘n cream,
And she’s gotta have a story today?
Whut you goin’ to do when the Times talks that way,
Just stay away?

I’m jist a guy who cain’t say no,
Gate crashin’s my favourite thing
I bought a bunch of mistletoe
Let’s see if Lambeth will swing.
Other guys are coy and hard to catch
Other guys aint settin’ photo shoots up.
Every time I lose to the Primates’ wishes
I have a funny feelin’ I’,m one up.

Although I’m so obviously victimised
I never make a complaint
(OK, to be honest I’ve no restraint)
The place where I wanna go I caint
I caint hear "no"!