Dear NHS (Part Two)

Revd Peter Ould
(Finally, not a hospital) Bed
Ware

Dear NHS,

Can we please get one thing straight right at the start? I am not stalking you. I grant you, turning up at short notice yesterday to see what emergency accommodation you might have for a man with heart problems, shortness of breath, nausea and major numbness down the left side and neck gives the impression that I’m proposing a more permanent hook-up then the oh so brief encounters for the past few weeks. Please be assured though that I’m not really even a fan of the “bed and breakfast” arrangement we seem to have at the moment. Given that I saw the mad heart doctor last week and that he has put me on more pills a day then my hyper-hypochondriac grandmother-in-law, I really wasn’t anticipating seeing you again before a coffee morning in early August.

One thing I would like to know though if that’s OK. Can I collect loyalty points if I continue to be a repeat customer? Obviously, I’d like to get the best value out of my time spent waiting for “12 hour after incident” blood tests. I grant you, the freebie you gave me this time of my own personal vomit flavour spray (GT I believe is the nick-name you use) is quite nice, but Tesco gives me restaurant vouchers if I spend lots of time with them. Truly, I think there is a customer relations opportunity for you here.

Yes, I know I might expect you to give me a ring in a few days to set-up another tête-a-tête sooner rather than later (who’s stalking who eh?), but my phone will be off the hook for at least a week. I really need a break, much more than I need a break-down at this point.

With much love,

Peter